Helping Non-Jews Navigate the Bar Mitzvah Experience

For non-Jewish relatives who you’d like to participate in the service, find out from your rabbi what they are able to do. At some synagogues they may be able to come on the bimah and perform non-Torah honors like opening or close ark doors. Explain the honor and what they will do, making sure they feel comfortable with their task.
Include a brief overview card in the invitation envelope for non-Jewish friends. Here is our easy-to-copy template for what to include:

What Happens at the B'Mitzvah Service? After years of study (NAME) will have the honor of helping to lead worship services for our congregation. (NAME) will read from the Torah and chant several prayers as part of the Shabbat (Sabbath) morning service. Some parts will be in Hebrew, but a lot will be in English, making it easy to follow along. There are a few times in the service when you will be asked to stand or sit as a sign of respect. Cell phones and all electronic devices should be silenced or turned off since they are not permitted to be used in our sanctuary.

‍

What Should I Wear?

Girls: Dress or dressy outfit

Boys: Dress shirt and tie or sport jacket/suit

‍

What Happens After the Service?

Include details here of your Kiddush luncheon or celebration plans, including pick up time for kids

‍

When out-of-towners are gathered, maybe during Shabbat dinner, talk about the service protocol and let them know what they’ll be seeing in your synagogue (the Eternal light, the ark) and customs they’ll observe (congregants wearing tallit and kippot.)
Make comparisons to church for those who attend: wear church attire, stand and sit when congregation does, leave electronics off or on silent. Let them know that while much of the service is in Hebrew, translations are in the prayer book and there will be English as well.
On the big day, enlist a friend in your congregation to help welcome newcomers and answer any questions they may have about the service or sanctuary.
Welcome them with warmth and let them know you’re happy to have them share in your child’s special day. Everyone feels more comfortable when they’re greeted with a smile!